So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
