So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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