So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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