one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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