Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
pray to the hookup gods
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
