I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
