thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize