If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
