someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
