it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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