I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
