You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
