Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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