i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
