Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
