Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket

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(614): View more from Ohio

Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20

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(864): View more from South Carolina

U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"

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(585): View more from New York

you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser

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(212): View more from New York

He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.

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(815): View more from Illinois

You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.

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