So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
