Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
