I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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