I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
