dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
