After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize