feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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