I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
