the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
