i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize