woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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