I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
