i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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