oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
