Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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