Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
