you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
