Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
