I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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