So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
