like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
