I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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