Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
