i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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