Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
