you win again, gameday.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
