dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
