I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
