May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
