When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
