these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
