dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Help. Why am I so naked?
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