Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize