My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize