College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
