I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
