Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize