New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
