fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
