for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
