guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
