Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
