The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
