Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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