Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
