Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
