this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
