if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize