You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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