He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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