I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize