Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
