Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
