Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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